Reflections........

As 2013 draws to a close, and thank goodness for that. It's time to reflect on the year that was pretty much a suck fest. That's not to say that good things didn't happen this year, because they did. It just seems that more bad than good came out of 2013, same with its predecessors 2010-2012. To say I've had a run of not so good luck over the past four years would be an understatement. Taking the leap of faith to move to New York has been both a blessing and a curse. I love living close to NYC, I really do, but the city and I have our moments. Sometimes we're best friends, everything is rosy and we love each other, but sometimes the city is a cruel, cruel bitch and I hate her with a burning passion. Now, I don't live in NYC proper. I actually live up in the Hudson Valley, which is gorgeous, but it's a world away from everything. At least that's the way I feel, plus I spend so much time in NYC that I consider that more my home than my actual town. Sounds strange, but that's me in a nutshell. I'm going off in a different direction now, which I also tend to do. The focus here should be 2013. As 2012 closed, I was hopeful because I had been accepted into another university in the city, on that I can afford, and I was looking forward to my semester. When 2013 started I still had that hope. I actually had hope off and on in 2013 but the year was sneaky like that. It would lull me into a false sense of security many times only to jerk the rug out from under me, so I was looking up at the sky. Fortunately most times I could look at the sky and think 'wow, that's beautiful' and 2013 would not win, but as we enter the last few weeks, I think I'm about to concede to the year. To accept the fact that 2013 was more powerful than I was and wins this round. I hear you saying 'don't give up, you still have two weeks, anything can happen. Things can be turned around!' All true statements, it's the wild card 'anything can happen' statement that worries me. Where was I? Oh yes, conceding to 2013 like a bad politician. You see if you look at my overview of 2013 you'll see that I did get most of the things I asked for. I made new friends, who I adore, and can't imagine life without. I got to see my best friends minus one for a weekend of fun and frolic in NYC. These girls are my support system and I honestly don't know what I'd do without them. I saw friends fall in love, get married, get pregnant, you know the good stuff. I didn't experience any of that. Honestly I'm too old to have kids I think, and I'm beginning to believe the falling in love/marriage thing just isn't in the cards for me. And that's fine. So while everyone was having these life changing moments, I was having my own. I got another almost 4.0 in school, one A- spoiled it for me, but that happened when I took Mandarin too, so I consider myself lucky it wasn't a B. I had a super fun summer just hanging out at my usual spot in the city, drinking and chatting with people. I found a job in a place I really do like working. My co-workers are great, as are the bosses. I was back in school taking awesome classes that were challenging, but interesting. Sounds great right? It was, then my appendix decided to rupture on my third day at my new job. I had to go in for emergency surgery and had a ten day hospital stay including being there on my birthday. I was able to look at this in a positive way though. It was like I was being told to slow down and re-evaluate things. Try to pick out the things I really wanted to do. Trouble is I thought I was doing what I really wanted to do, and now I'm not so sure. Reading this post back so far, it doesn't seem so sucky the things that have happened. Maybe because I didn't mention all the death, break-ups, financial struggles, broken-heartedness (is that even a word? Is now.) I guess when writing about thing that happened I do tend to focus mostly on the positive. Yes, I've had major financial struggles thanks to my hospital stay, and yes I have had more heart break than I feel I can take, but maybe my outlook really is a positive one. And maybe, just maybe I won't be conceding to 2013 just yet. I'm just hoping that 2014 has more compassion for me and my friends than 2013 did. And maybe, just maybe, 2014 will be the year I take that creative writing course so I can try to fulfill my dream of actually writing a novel. Or at the very least keeping up with my blog. Although that being said, I already know of one part of 2014 that is going to be completely sucky. Oh well, life goes on right? May 2014 be kind to all of you.

Just another ramble...

It is the tenth anniversary of the release of one of my favorite films, Love Actually. Now, it isn’t my favorite film of all time, that would be The Quiet Man or the original version of The Picture of Dorian Gray, but it is in my top ten. If you haven’t seen it, many haven’t, it’s a cute little film about love, loss, the holidays, hope and oh yeah love actually. (see what I did there). I don’t know if people are starting to rewatch it for the first time since it came out, or if they’re just rewatching for the however –th time, but it seems like there is a lot of Love Actually bashing going on. Some are calling it unrealistic, impossible, and cheesy, this could all be true, but……it’s a film. It’s escapism. I don’t think there is a film out there, that is entirely realistic, not counting some documentaries and even then we’re usually getting someone’s point of view on a subject, not necessarily an unbiased view. Do these people really believe that Brad Pitt could save the world from a zombie attack, or that Will Smith can also save the world from whatever? That to me is the whole point of a film. You go in to escape mode for however briefly and you know that what you’re seeing could be impossible, (think Kevin Costner as Robin Hood), but at the same time you’re supposed to be entertained. If you spend the entire time picking apart what could or couldn’t happen, you’re missing out on a chance to get away from the actual real world and become part of another place and time. Maybe I’m too biased because it is one of my favorite films, and maybe I just don’t like people picking it apart, but I think it’s bigger than that. To me Love Actually as I said earlier is about love, loss, and hope. Sure not everyone gets the love they want, but they still have hope at the end of the day. Well at least a little. If you’re watching it thinking ‘ooh that’s kind of creepy that Sarah is obsessed with Karl’, then maybe you aren’t looking close enough at Karl. He’s hot! Not only that but who hasn’t had a crush on a coworker? It happens. Then let’s address the Mark and Juliet thing. Another unrequited crush. Again, as I can definitely attest to, it happens. That’s not unrealistic or creepy. It’s just life. I’m not going to go through the whole film or blog posts and address each point. That would take forever and I’m not that persnickety. Personally I like to think that the things in the film could happen. Well, the only thing I don’t think is very realistic is the Alan Rickman cheating on Emma Thompson. Why would he do that? She’s amazing and a zillion times more beautiful and cooler than the younger chick. Plus, I’d like to think that I could have a Karl, or a Mark or even a Jamie! Mostly a Jamie I think. Colin Firth is my actor of choice. I think people in today’s world, need a little Love Actually. I’m not saying everyone should watch and love it, if it’s not your preferred genre, but just watch something that you can escape into. Something that will leave you with a feeling of hope, or a feeling of goodwill towards others. Or even a feeling of you can go out there and kick the bad guy’s ass! Whatever works for you. The real world is too full of the other stuff, too full of hate, cynicism and not love actually. All the things we see on the news and while we’re out on a daily basis. Plus it’s the holidays, we’re supposed to believe in a little bit of fantasy. If we didn’t there wouldn’t be so many Christmas films about Santa. Not saying he doesn’t exist, I’m just using him as an example. So what’s my point? I’m really not sure. I’m tired of the Love Actually bashing, yes, but I’m also tired of people taking films, and books actually, and pointing out why they aren’t. Let me just say this once more. They aren’t meant to be! They’re meant to be enjoyed for what they are. I also believe that things are as realistic as you want them to be, and if that escapism makes you happy then so be it. Let us who want to believe in Love Actually alone. Your words and picking it apart aren’t going to change that fact that we think love is all around. Even in airports, which by the way I do think are romantic. I’m just glad that as cynical and jaded as I can be, I haven’t stopped believing in things all together. I still have hope, I still have a tiny bit of faith that one day things are going to work out in the way I want them to. Maybe it won’t be like in the films, but then it wouldn’t be real life and that is what I’m looking for. Real life with a touch of magic. P.S. If you want to watch a funny Christmas film, try to find ‘A Star for Christmas’ it’s worth watching just for the line ‘I saw myself kissing you in my Universe Door.’ Or something along those lines.